Sunday, October 15, 2023

Orkin's Law: Endeavor to Persevere

 by Steven B. Orkin

"We thought about it for a long time, ‘Endeavor to persevere.’ And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union."
        - Lone Watie (Chief Dan George), ‘The Outlaw Josey Wales’.1

I love this quote. There’s a kind of sardonic audacity about it, a defiance and spirit, that I find inspiring, and that ‘endeavor to persevere’ phrase is just gorgeous. It rolls off the tongue so beautifully and outside of the context of the movie it came from, it really is powerful, a phrase of power, really.

A year ago today, I came pretty close to dying. Though I was only 57 at the time, in reasonably good health, and had no prior cardiology-related condition other than taking a blood pressure medication, I experienced something unrelated called a Type II heart block, defined as follows:

"Abnormal rhythm where the heart beats too slowly. This is caused due to problems in the heart’s electrical system which controls the heartbeat."

Symptoms of the condition include dizziness, fatigue, heart flutters (arrythmias), fainting, and other such effects. I had been experiencing mild versions of such symptoms over the course of several weeks but they were so sporadic and they passed so quickly, I didn’t pay much attention. Maybe I was in denial.

However, on 10/15/22, the symptoms became too pronounced to ignore any further. By that evening, I couldn’t walk across a room without having to stop and rest.

I ultimately went to the ER, at which point my heart was beating at a very low 45 beats a minute. The only treatment was to install a pacemaker. Though I had to have a second, related procedure the following February called a cardiac ablation, which treats abnormal electrical signals in the heart, by and large, the device has been functioning properly. I’ve been feeling good and am overall, able to engage in the same activities I did before this happened.

I don't know where this condition came from. Maybe it was just lying in wait, a hidden bomb sizzling in the darkness. I have always had a benign abnormality of the heart known as a bundle branch, which is almost always harmless, essentially the difference between having a back door on your house or a side door. Until it’s not. That’s the most likely culprit. There's evidence to suggest it may have been a byproduct of having been afflicted by the coronavirus. There’s significantly less evidence to suggest it was a byproduct of the coronavirus vaccine. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter, does it? Faced with a near death experience, with the help of some excellent doctors and the support of loved ones, I'm still standing.

I try not to think too much about the fact that my life is to a good extent being sustained by a mechanical device. I can’t change that fact, so why bother obsessing over it? But certainly, this experience has given me a renewed sense of how fragile life can be, how unpredictable, how ephemeral. It has also presented me with a powerful lesson about perspective. Will I spend my time lamenting over the injustice of this happening to me, or will I be grateful that I overcame formidable adversity and am able to continue embracing the beauty of the world, my life, and the wonderful people in it?

I choose the latter.

Thank you for reading.

 ~~~

This is my latest tattoo, which I got a few weeks ago in commemoration of the anniversary of the day my life changed. It’s a combination of the mathematical infinity symbol and something called a Mobius Strip, which is a geometrical form that essentially has no beginning and no end, a perpetual loop without a top or bottom. It’s located on the left side of my chest (you can see the scar from where the pacemaker was laparoscopically embedded under my skin in the upper right), close to my heart.

 

Footnotes

  1. Here’s the full quote from the film:

"I wore this frock coat in Washington, before the war. We wore them because we belonged to the five civilized tribes. We dressed ourselves up like Abraham Lincoln. We only got to see the Secretary of the Interior, and he said: "Boy! You boys sure look civilized.!" he congratulated us and gave us medals for looking so civilized. We told him about how our land had been stolen and our people were dying. When we finished, he shook our hands and said, ‘Endeavor to persevere!’ They stood us in a line: John Jumper, Chili McIntosh, Buffalo Hump, Jim Buckmark, and me — I am Lone Watie. They took our pictures. And the newspapers said, ‘Indians vow to endeavor to persevere.’ We thought about it for a long time: ‘Endeavor to persevere.’ And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union."

~~~

 

Saturday, February 25, 2023

Orkin’s Law: On Writing & Faith

by Steven B. Orkin

My semi-niece (it’s a little complicated) Kate started a blog last week. It’s a very good blog and I have high hopes for it. Here’s the link:

https://medium.com/@kathleen.bauer77/blogs-first-writers-block-send-help-c859bc6574f1

After reading Kate’s post, my first thought was to just add a comment to it conveying a few thoughts on the matter, but I almost immediately realized I had too much to say and didn’t want to clutter her blog with a blog post of my own, so here we are.

If you do a websearch on a phrase like “How to overcome writer’s block”, you’ll get hundreds, maybe thousands of links. Many of them are written by people far more experienced and talented than me, but I’d like to think my perspective on the matter is nevertheless distinctive enough to warrant expressing it.

Side Note: Lesson #1 for writing a blog (or anything, really): Audacity. Assuming you’re better than all the other bloggers out there is arrogant (or delusional, or painfully insecure, or all three). Assuming you’re different than all the other bloggers and that you have something to say that no one else can say in quite the same way is audacious (in a good way).

Anyway, the bulk of Kate’s first post deals with the perils of writer’s block. Though she has a casual, often playful tone, she articulates a hard and serious truth: There’s a lot more to writer’s block than not being able to write. Indeed, there are some pretty heavy duty psychological, philosophical, and even spiritual components to it. Further, the matter of writer’s block goes beyond the craft of writing, to some extent.

Toward the end of her post, she poses two questions:

  1. What are some tips and tricks you have used to overcome writer’s block? 
  2. How do you do go about picking a topic that you feel will engage readers, but also interests you?

My short answer for both is the same: Faith.

The longer answer is that there are indeed techniques to address both questions. We’ll start with writer’s block (WB).

WB is difficult to define because how you perceive it is to a very good extent dependent on how you perceive the ability to write. Though there are obviously skills and techniques that contribute to being a good writer, the craft for me is nevertheless a near-spiritual pursuit, regardless of whether I’m writing a novel, poem, essay, or technical document. I cannot say where the words come from. I often feel like I’m taking dictation rather than writing them on my own.1

Consequently, I would define WB as an inability to access your creative channel (as in conduit, not TV station). Sufferers cannot bring themselves to create. Sometimes, they desperately want to, but can’t. Sometimes, they lose interest in doing so.

Why is this? What causes it?

A lot of it is fear-based anxiety, which encompasses stuff like fear of failure, fear of success (or both at the same time; yes, it’s possible), fear that despite your passion for the craft, you have nothing to say that people will appreciate, and/or that even if you do have something to say, you’re a terrible writer, or that maybe you have both talent and marketable ideas, but no one will care. Writers have a way of paralyzing themselves. As with most people, we tend to be our own worst enemies. We sometimes (or often) treat ourselves (and our writing) with a brutality we’d never employ on anyone else.

In her post, Kate mentions that she took a writing class to help her address the matter of WB but that “The textbook said that a big part of it was buckling down, quitting your whining, and doing the work as writer’s block isn’t a real thing.” I think this sentiment is unduly harsh and quite naïve in its presumption that WB isn’t a “real thing”. Granted, it’s not a diagnosable condition, but it can still be very psychologically debilitating.2 It almost invariably leads to mangled thinking and feeling along the lines of, “I’m not a ‘real’ writer.” “If I can’t get myself to write, I must not have anything important to say.” “I should just give this up.” These sentiments are inaccurate to the point of dysfunction.

That said, there is a degree of truth in the textbook’s assessment in that writing absolutely requires discipline. You can’t be an artiste about it and ‘just write when I’m inspired’. You’ll end up with a short story twenty years in the making. You also can’t just write ‘when I have time.’ You’ll get the same result. You have to make the time. Ideally, you’d be able to block out three or four hours a day in your cozy little writing nook where you’ll write two or three thousand words of your Great American Novel each session. In reality, you might get an hour a few days or nights a week sitting at the kitchen table. Pick a time and place that will work for you, and do your best to stick to a realistic, achievable schedule. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a session. Just put more effort into making the next one. Be thankful for what you HAVE created. Don't obsess over what you haven't. Even if you only get ten words down, it's ten more than you had the day before.

One of the best ways to ultimately surmount WB is through consistency. Once you set your schedule, it’s entirely possible that on your first session, you won’t get past typing “Chapter 1” at the top of the page. The next session, you might get a hundred words down. Over time, you can train yourself to open your creative channel pretty much whenever and wherever you need to or want to. The volume and quality of your output WILL improve over time if you’re even relatively consistent. I can write pretty much anywhere. Maybe it’s 15 minutes in a doctor’s office. Maybe it’s 2-3 hours at Barnes & Noble or my local library. Maybe it’s sitting on a beach.3 You have to trust that the creative energy is in you and that it wants to come out and play. You have to give yourself permission to let it flow, come what may. It’s possible that on some occasions, the end result will suck. All that means is that you’ve got some editing to do. Though there may be very rare occasions when something you’ve written just doesn’t work, requiring a total do-over or even abandoning the project, that is very far from the norm. It’s an extreme last resort. Nine times out of ten, there’s something worth saving, something fixable. Don’t allow your inner critic to deter you from creating. When your “anxiety ballerina” (as Kate beautifully puts it) begins her dance, deflect her offstage. You don’t necessarily have to be acrimonious with her, e.g., “Get the fuck out of here, bitch!” but you do have to be firm and resolute: “Listen, I know you think this is a terrible idea, but we’re doing this. I want to create and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Conversation over.” You must act under the assumption (even if you don’t actually believe it, yet) that it’s okay for you to write, that you’ve got something to say, and that you’re capable of writing well.

Kate also mentions that one of the ways she beats back WB is by working on more than one project at a time. It’s an excellent technique, one I use constantly. I ALWAYS have more than one project going (at the moment, I’ve got too many of them). There are times when you can write yourself into a corner on Project 1. Having Project 2 and even Project 3 to switch gears to keeps your creative channel flowing while your subconscious works out your Project 1 problem.4

You can’t force or rush your ability to solve creative problems and/or open/reopen your creative channel, but you have to wield it with conviction. You can’t approach it from a passive perspective of, “I really hope I can figure this out.” You have to consciously set aside your insecurities and self-doubts (if it helps, visualize boxing them up and shoving them in a closet or whatever image works for you) and rephrasing “I really hope…” to “I WILL figure this out. The answer WILL come to me in time. I trust in my creative spark to resolve this impasse.” When you turn on your water faucet, you have an expectation that water is going to come out of it. When you flick a light switch, you have an expectation that the light is going to turn on. Creativity works the same way. It’s not about arrogance or bravado. It’s about confidence. It’s about trust. It’s about faith in your divine, creative energy. The reaction / resolution you’re looking for is unlikely to be as instantaneous as a faucet or light switch, but if you invest that faith in your creativity, if you set aside your self-doubt and replace it with self-confidence, your creativity WILL respond with the same level of certainty.5

Let’s move on to Kate’s second question:

How do you do go about picking a topic that you feel will engage readers, but also interests you?

This one’s much less complicated. Successful writers write what they want to read, under the assumption that their passion for the topic will be contagious. Indeed, trying to write ‘what readers will like’ is a one-way ticket to mediocrity. You have to have faith in your ability to discover topics of interest. You have to have faith that what you have to say about those topics will engage readers because they have engaged you. Though all writers want the validation of others reading their work, ultimately, we do it for ourselves. We do it because we have to. We do it because we love it. We do it because it helps keep us sane. For me, writing is a way of making sense of the world, regardless of whether I’m working on my fantasy novel or writing a blog post.

You have to listen to what’s going on around you and what’s going on in your own head. Over time, you’ll intuitively know when you’ve got something.

This post is a perfect example of this concept. I had no particular thought about writing about WB and creativity. Kate’s essay sparked it. Do I question my ability to cover the topic effectively? Yes. Do I worry that no one will care? Yep! Ultimately, those questions don’t matter. All I can do is open the channel, get the words down, and hope for the best.

Thank you for reading.

 ~~~


Footnotes

  1.  1)   My foremost literary icon, Harlan Ellison, hated the dreaded query, “Where do you get your ideas?” because as any writer knows, it’s a ludicrous question. You get them EVERYWHERE! In the shower, at the supermarket, lying in bed, during a conversation, on an airplane, doing laundry, walking the dog, during road trips, eating dinner, at doctor’s offices, on line at the bank, etc., etc., etc. Ellison quickly gave up explaining this. Instead, whenever anyone asked, he would reply, “I order them from an idea factory in Peoria. I pay them a hundred bucks a year and every 3-4 months, they send me a sixpack.” It never ceased to amuse and amaze him that people would actually ask him for the address.  
    • On a sub-note, a few years after hearing him say this during a speaking engagement, I saw him at a subsequent appearance, signing autographs. Two fans approached and presented a delighted Ellison with a sixpack of soda that had been expertly modified so they were plain black cans with the word ‘Idea’ written in purple on the side. 
  2. Sometimes, there can be a concrete reason for WB. This may be the result of my own biochemistry, but a year or so ago I was using a particular type of antidepressant. At first it did allay my depression, but after taking it for a few months, I found that it somehow dampened my creative spark. I could not write. It was like my characters and ideas were locked in a room and I couldn’t get to them. This caused me to become so despondent, any positive effects of the drug were nullified. A week or so after I came off it, I was again able to write. 
  3. I strongly advise any writer to learn to write in longhand (yes, with old-fashioned pen and paper). Not only can it be a very relaxing exercise in mindfulness, but at times, you may have a few minutes to write in a place where you can’t use a laptop. 
  4.  Just be careful not to fall into the ‘Idea Trap’. The human mind doesn’t particularly like writing, in certain respects. It can be very tiresome work. To avoid what it interprets as the tedium of working on a given project, you may find you start coming up with the best story ideas EVER the moment you sit down to work on your primary project. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn off into developing all those shiny new ideas or you’ll end up with seventeen Chapter 1’s. Keep an ‘ideas’ document handy so you can jot them down. If they’ve got legs, they’ll keep until you can get to them.
  5. My favorite book on creativity is ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert. It deals with all aspects of creativity, how we all use it in some form in our lives, even those of us who don’t see themselves as inherently creative. It’s accessible, generous, and inspiring. I devoutly recommend it. 

 ~~~